Like a cool refreshing drink of water... come take a sip!

So apparently it's been a while

2010-04-09T13:01:00.002-06:00

Currently listening to: Nevertheless

Currently reading: In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day, A Clash of Kings

I can't decide if this is a profitable means of getting my thoughts out or not, but at the moment I'm not terribly concerned either way.

In the year since I last posted I've interned as an assistant director at a Christian youth camp and retreat center, graduated from college, entered into a relationship with the most phenomenal woman of God I could possibly imagine, moved into my own apartment (just me, myself and I), and procured two jobs (not to mention failed to procure dozens more). I suppose it's been a more productive year than I thought. Unfortunately, the vicissitude of my walk with the Lord has been just as random and varied as my year (word of the day!!!). At present I feel that I am heading in the right direction and listening to God's direction more than I have in several months. Baby steps, right? Why did I have to get a degree in Philosophy/Religion? Life would be so much easier if I would've chosen a normal degree ;)

At present I am a housekeeper (soon to be front desk) at the Super 8 Motel and a barrista at the newly opened Adam Bros Coffe House in downtown Greenville, Illinois. I tell you these things not to brag of my post-college exploits, but to practice humility. I never dreamed I would be where I am. A year ago I was destined for divinity school and a life of serving in camp ministry. Now I'm stuck in in the jaws of trying to pay the bills and removing as much of college debt's burden from my parents as possible as soon as possible. It wasn't until a recent conversation with my ladyfriend that I finally came back to camp ministry. Over the past 6 months I have been so consumed with the idea that if I want to raise a family, I need to be able to provide for them, and if I want to be able to provide for them, I need to make copious amounts of money. Rachel has kindly reminded me that money is not the end all be all. In the ever-wise words of Paul, "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." It's remarkable how quickly desires that stem from a motivation of love can become something that replace and even deny love. If my primary goal in life is to raise a family that is fostered in God's love and my own, money becomes irrelevant. If money becomes irrelevant, I am free to pursue my secondary goal in life, to pursue a lifetime of service in camp ministry.

In light of these recent revelations, it would seem I have a lot of work ahead of me. I can't possibly hope to minister with my heart in the sick and diminished state it's currently in. And, fortunately, camps don't just take anyone into their employ. If my heart is going to be healed and restored and if I am going to be able to realize my lifelong dream of serving in camp ministry, it's going to be God and all God. I have proven over and over again that the strength of my own efforts is virtually fruitless. If this is gonna happen, it's going to take me fully surrendering. Or, in the words of the great Emily Woods, it's gonna take some serious "letting go and letting God." :)

Until next time,

-Mark

CAUTION: Chip 'n Dale's Dance with a few of the guys

2009-04-01T09:08:00.002-06:00

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/sVb2RZyCqDEdJmXk

The Inaugural Address: A Look at Obama's Prose Style

2009-01-24T15:46:00.005-06:00

I found this on Dr. Hartley's Facebook today. It's a great article and poses some really great questions/possibilities for our nation's education system (if these are the values he holds, perhaps he'll try to instill them within the school systems as well).

Barack Obama’s Prose Style

Stanley Fish
January 22, 2009, 9:00 pm

Barack Obama’s inaugural address is proving to be more powerful in the reading than it was in the hearing.

Commentators on radio and television have been doing a two-step. First they say that the speech lacked the eloquence of his speech on race or of his remarks on the night he won the presidency; and then they spend lots of time talking about the implications of a sentence (“We reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals”), a clause (“programs will end”), a phrase (“dust ourselves off”) or even a single word (“Muslim,” “non-believers.”)

It is as if the speech, rather than being a sustained performance with a cumulative power, was a framework on which a succession of verbal ornaments were hung, and we were being invited not to move forward but to stop and ponder significances only hinted at.

And if you look at the text – spread out like a patient etherized upon a table – that’s exactly what it’s like. There are few transitions and those there are – “for,” “nor,” “as for,” “so,” “and so” – seem just stuck in, providing a pause, not a marker of logical progression. Obama doesn’t deposit us at a location he has in mind from the beginning; he carries us from meditative bead to meditative bead, and invites us to contemplate.

Of course, as something heard rather than viewed, the speech provides no spaces for contemplation. We have barely taken in a small rhetorical flourish like “All this we can do. All this we will do” before it disappears in the rear-view mirror. But if we regard the text as an object rather than as a performance in time, it becomes possible (and rewarding) to do what the pundits are doing: linger over each alliteration, parse each emphasis, tease out each implication.

There is a technical term for this kind of writing – parataxis, defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as “the placing of propositions or clauses one after the other without indicating . . . the relation of co-ordination or subordination between them.”

The opposite of parataxis is hypotaxis, the marking of relations between propositions and clause by connectives that point backward or forward. One kind of prose is additive – here’s this and now here’s that; the other asks the reader or hearer to hold in suspension the components of an argument that will not fully emerge until the final word. It is the difference between walking through a museum and stopping as long as you like at each picture, and being hurried along by a guide who wants you to see what you’re looking at as a stage in a developmental arc she is eager to trace for you.

Of course, no prose is all one or the other, but the prose of Obama’s inauguration is surely more paratactic than hypotactic, and in this it resembles the prose of the Bible with its long lists and serial “ands.” The style is incantatory rather than progressive; the cadences ask for assent to each proposition (“That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood’) rather than to a developing argument. The power is in discrete moments rather than in a thesis proved by the marshaling of evidence.

Paratactic prose lends itself to leisurely and loving study, and that is what Obama’s speech is already receiving. Penguin Books is getting out a “keepsake” edition of the speech, which will be presented along with writings by Abraham Lincoln and Ralph Waldo Emerson. (You can move back and forth among them, annotating similarities and differences.)

One day after the occasion, USA Today offered as an analysis of the speech a list of the words most frequently used, words like America, common, generation, nation, people, today, world. This is exactly the right kind of analysis to perform, for it identifies the location of the speech’s energy in the repetition of key words and the associations forged among them by virtue of that repetition.

In the years to come what USA Today has begun will be expanded and elaborated in a thousand classrooms. Canonization has already arrived.

Here's the actual NYTimes article, if you please:

http://fish.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/22/barack-obamas-prose-style/

Also, if you care to, here's the address to the actual speech:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/20/us/politics/20text-obama.html?_r=1&em

I haven't read the whole thing myself, but I can't aptly express how impressed I am with our President's ability to express himself and represent our nation. Maybe my mom's right and he is the anti-Christ... idk. Whether he is or he isn't, I think we're all better off for it.

Midlife Crisis at 22?

2009-01-24T09:26:00.000-06:00

Ha! No way!

I definitely am finding myself in need of some signifant changes, though. The first and most important change I've already alluded to in my last blog - more God, Jesus, Holy Spirit in my life.

Other things I've been wanting lately, other than a rockin' bod, are: 1) my plugs back, 2) a tattoo, 3) the return of skater shoes in my life, 4) new clothes.

I realize that all of these 'wants' are materials and don't actually change anything, but something in my mind says that a change internally requires a change externally. Or maybe I'm hoping that in changing my external appearance (and combining some of my old values with some new and improved ones), I'll experience that internal change I'm looking for.

I don't know though, what are your thoughts? I doubt there's much that logically connects the to, but, from a psychological standpoint, I imagine there's got to be some correlation (probably not causation) between internal and external change/growth.

Let me know what you think! :)

-Mark

A would-be conversation with a would-be friend

2007-12-09T17:45:00.000-06:00

Me- "Something's occurred to me."

Would-be friend- "What's that?"

Me- "That you are aren't being very fair."

Would-be friend- "Oh?"

Me- "When you see me, you choose to look for those things that make me less than Christ-like, less than a good person and at the same time, you choose to overlook the ways in which I have grown and have changed; the ways in which I have made a conscious, prayerful effort to become more like Christ and to better myself for both the sake of those around me and for the good of my own soul.

Would-be friend- "Hm."

Me- "And please don't hear what I'm not saying; I'm not saying that I'm right. What I am saying is that it is you who is in need of my grace, not me yours."

::silence::

Would-be friend- "I don't think that's true."

Me- "I know you don't, would-be friend. But why is it, do you suppose, that so many of your friends who call me friend can see the good in me and you can't?"

Would-be friend- "That's not true, either. I can see the good in you."

Me- "You even question my intentions for wanting to reconcile this relationship. Where do you see good in me?"

::more silence::

Me- "Goodnight, man."

So I just had a two hour conversation with my best friend..

2007-10-24T02:35:00.000-06:00

.. on the inerrancy of the bible, him arguing for and me against, at it was flippin' phenomenal! In the end, it basically came down to me asking, 'If God in all His sovereign power can't communicate Truth through man's fumblings, how sovereign can He really be?' Well, of course if God is truly sovereign than He can use anything (and He does every day!), so then the question became, 'If God can use man's mistakes to communicate His Truth, then why does it matter whether to Bible can be right or wrong?' to which the conclusion was it doesn't!

Maybe I've done you a disservice in throwing you into the tail end of our 2hour long conversation, but maybe I can sum it up real quick.

It all started with the question of whether or not the Bible can be afforded the license to make mistakes or not and the implications that arise if it can. We, Kody and I, both agreed that if the Bible can make mistakes then it can potentially lead to a slippery slope in that what stops the reader from asking, 'Well, why is this true and why is this true, etc.' which can be a terribly scary thing and could theoretically mean that the Bible (and possibly Christianity) gets thrown to the wayside in order to make room for our postmodern indulgences. However, rather than going their, we opted to say that one must read the bible more responsibly if he is going to hold the opinion that the bible can make mistakes and in so doing will find that he believes the theology of what he is reading to be true not because the bible says so (it's clearly fallacious that the bible claims itself to be infallible), but rather because he has wrestled with it himself and found the Truth -- God's Truth -- in it. A beautiful realization.

(I apologize if this is coming off as incoherent ramblings from someone who is long overdue for sleep, but I'm going to continue in the hope that I might make myself more clear.)

Once to the decision that we could not say that the individual who wrestles with the errancy of the bible had a stronger faith but rather a different sort of faith, we moved on to what would become of our 'great religion' if we were to lose the bible. Naturally, one of the first things to come up was the example of sub-third world individuals finding God's Truth via missionaries despite the absence of a written language. Clearly, Christianity does not fully rely on the bible. In fact, as Kody and I agreed to disagree on, I would like to think that without a bible, we might become an even stronger people in our faith. I say this because rather than being spoon fed all of these apparent 'truths' on Sunday mornings (one might rather call these proof texts that do the church a greater disservice than anything else) we would have only our God give cognizance and ability to reason -- again, this is all said in the hope that man is doing this responsibly but allowing that he may be doing so irresponsibly as well. So then, we would be making our beliefs in God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit our own rather than the biased, text proofed isogeses we encounter in our warm, comfy pews.

Again, more and more this is beginning to sound like incoherent ramblings to me. It all made sense when we were talking and for that I'm confident that if I am saying anything that sounds entirely too out in left field, I would be more than willing to revisit this conversation with you personally. :)

Moving on. To say the least, the conversation that Kody and I had went all over the place and saw a lot of good fruit for it, but it always came back to this idea of a capital 'T' Truth. Here at Greenville College we are familiar with the theology of the Logos (John 1:1) and all Truth being God's Truth. Something I posed was the finding of God in places outside of the Bible. Certainly there is no question that God is witnessed through Creation and nature, but what of entertainment (music, cinema, etc) and what of things like literature or relationships? This led to a brief discussion on the inspired writings of such notables as C.S. Lewis and St. Thomas Aquinas and the question of what makes them any less inspired than Paul or the writers of our canonized gospels? I argued that they aren't, but of course as one who does not hold the view that the bible is infallible, that wouldn't pose any major theological crisis for me. Kody, on the other hand, found himself incredibly scandalized at the notion that C.S. Lewis, as wonderful as his writings are, might be on the same divinely inspired level as Paul of Tarsus. Again I ask, if all Truth is God's Truth, why are we so afraid to say that Paul could be wrong and C.S. Lewis right to the extent that we would like to believe Paul is?

Wow. Let's just set up the coffee dates now. This is just getting ridiculous! :) In short, albeit a little late for that, we agreed to lovingly disagree and, yes, we are still best friends and very much as dear as ever two brothers were. However, in light of our conversation we've come to see that so much of how we read the Bible and interpret our faith has to do with what we as individuals bring to the table in the first place (ironically makes me think of Matt 15:27). This being so, we must be even more responsible and diligent in our pursuit and God and Truth. Also, with a plug from Prof. Dunnington on a paradigm shift that John Yoder offers in his "The Politics of Jesus", perhaps we should stop viewing the world and our day to day lives through the lens of cause and effect but of cross and resurrection. And with that final thought, I bid you goodnight and blessedly insightful dialogs (be they inter or intrapersonal).

-Mark

On Love and Faith

2007-08-30T17:16:00.000-06:00

It's becoming apparent to me that it is impossible to love without faith. One must have faith that the other will not betray or manipulate them, that their intentions are of the best sort for we do not willingly give ourselves to those whom we know will take advantage of us. Love also requires grace which, again, requires faith; we do not give grace to those we think will abuse it. That being so, it's surprising how often we tell each other we love one another and yet 'protect' ourselves with walls so as not to be hurt. I can't help but believe that, by definition, this is not true love. And what is love if not the ultimate act of grace and selflessness? I'm not even talking about the romantic sort, just the platonic. Either we have grossly perverted the thing or we are just extremely ignorant (perhaps both). Either way, I hope you'll keep me accountable in working on it.

ps. Another interesting bit... Jesus loved despite being fully aware that he would be betrayed. he showed more grace and gave more of himself than I could ever imagine with the full knowledge that his passion was to come. What a crazy guy.

No fun

2007-08-27T15:39:00.000-06:00

Have you ever lost $300? I just did. It's not fun.

Things Change

2007-04-25T00:32:00.000-06:00

Hi all!

If you'll notice, to the left of your monitor there is a small bar with the words "Things Change" with a 'Play' button next to it. For those of you more computer savvy, how do I get this to work? I'm nearly content in knowing that I was able to get it there in an embedded format in the first place, but I would very much like it to play as well.

Thanks for the help!

Mark

Get on the stick, loser!

2007-04-20T08:05:00.001-06:00

"Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." ~ Franklin P. Jones

I would just like to say that people suck at accepting love all of a sudden. Compliments turn into hidden agendas and obvious advances go completely unnoticed for the other dude who either can't flipping express himself or is just a complete moron.

To the first, stop thinking so much, let my yes mean yes and my no mean no and perhaps you'll still be able to mend some of the wounds you hopefully aren't aware you're making. And you, open your eyes and see what's right in front of you!

"If you have it, you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." ~James. M Barrie

Christ Is Risen, Alleluia... I'm hungry.

2007-04-08T11:38:00.001-06:00

Two years now.. two years I've declined offers to go home with someone on Easter weekend. I don't know what it is that gives me the presence of mind to think I'm made of something tougher than I actually am.

It seems I have a hidden pride for my supposed ability to enjoy myself during Holidays without friends or family. I suppose it's not so hidden anymore and I suppose I'm not as able as I thought. Well, either way, I'm a failure and I'm glad of it. For the second year in a row now I've been miserable on Easter. Lesson learned.

I do sincerely hope you all are and have been enjoying yourselves as much as I've enjoyed the days leading up to this one. I'm sure the night will bring more excitement and frivolity.

Happy Easter, Everyone!

Two bits 'n change

2007-04-04T01:14:00.000-06:00

First bit:
I have a soar throat from Kyle's birthday extravaganza over at Redding House last night... no fun.

Second bit:
I think, more and more, I am discovering that I have an addictive personality. My most recent obsession...Wii Bowling.

Here's a third bit for free!!!:
When in doubt, use the grammatically-incorrect-but-otherwise-fun
ellipses... <--see?! How fun and grammatically incorrect is that?! :)

I'm such a sinner

2007-04-01T17:47:00.001-06:00

Jess pointed out to me this afternoon that I gave up Blogger for Lent. Does God still love me?

A concert and some cheap sex

2007-03-31T13:20:00.000-06:00

Last night I was able to drive up to Wheaton to see Phil Wickham, Shawn McDonald and Shane&Shane and it was, hands down, the most amazing show I've ever been to! I think a lot of that has to do with where I'm at in my life right now, but it really was phenomenal :) Not only that, but the six of us that went got to hang out with Shawn's sideman (I grew up going to Bible Camp with him) and Phil afterwards, so that was obviously a blast!

I'm beginning to realize that there is something about Jesus that affects me profoundly. Over the past month or so, I've been brought to tears several times at the mention of Jesus' Passion.

Last night Shane Bernard was telling a story about a song he wrote after being accused by the Enemy on night regarding a passage in Galatians 3 he had read earlier that day that says, "Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law..." He said he just sat there in the bus in tears admitting to the Devil that he was right.. he was a cursed failure. After something like five minutes of this, the Holy Spirit reminded him of the second part of that passage that says, but "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us."

I couldn't help myself.. the tears just came and came and came. Take a look at these lyrics:

Father of lies, coming to steal kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying, “cursed are the ones who can’t abide”

He’s right, halleluia, he’s right
The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation

Could the father of lies be telling the truth of
God to me tonight?
That if the penalty of sin is death, then death is mine
I hear him saying, “cursed are the ones who can’t abide”

The devil’s singing over me an age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently over me
He’s forgotten the refrain.
JESUS SAVES!

I'm getting close to crying again just reading over those lyrics again. It's a terribly powerful message! I just can't reconcile with a perfect Jesus taking that torture and ridicule for an utter failure like me, so much so that God turned His face away.

Shortly after they sang this song, the Shanes ushered into a chorus of 'It Is Well With My Soul.' I thought I was a mess earlier.. boy was I wrong! The third verse ripped me up so much I couldn't even sing. Well, I tried, but no intelligible sound came out. :)

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

I welcome the tears, but they sure do sting.

On a nearly as grave note, the drive home last night found its way to a brief conversation about
child prostitution in India. I've been hearing a lot about it lately but still find myself extremely ignorant about the issue, so this afternoon when I woke I Googled it. This article was the first thing I found and I think it really shed light on several areas of the pandemia taking over India, Nepal and several other Asian countries.

If you have five minutes to read this, I very much encourage it. Have a blessed Palm Sunday, everyone!

-Mark

Oh, the Lenten Season

2007-02-20T15:54:00.001-06:00

I'm writing to let you all know that for the next forty days (starting tomorrow) I will be giving up Myspace and Facebook for Lent.

Coming from the Baptist tradition that I do, I really haven't grown up with a strong image of what Lent is. As I've grown in years and moved away from many of my Baptist roots, I've come to find something beautiful about Lent. This will be my first time participating in the season, but I very much look forward to it.

Let me share with you a little bit of what Lent has come to mean to me in the past couple weeks as I've been reading and praying about it:

There are several times in the Bible that God puts his followers in situations and positions that require extreme faith and perseverance. Not coincidentally, these periods of trial and tribulation are nearly always for a 40 day period. Of these followers are the names of Elijah, Moses, Noah and Jesus.

For Elijah, Moses and Jesus, this 40 days was spent in the wilderness and was initiated by the Spirit. What appeared aimless wandering resulted in a divine encounter with God -- Jesus experience was a little different, but you get where I'm going :) -- For Noah, it was the flood. Him and his family were holding onto the faith they had in God (Yahweh) to deliver them from the flood waters, and He did.

In all four cases, God led these men to a place of barrenness where they had to fully rely on Him to deliver them. And so during this season of Lent, a good part of the Christian Church gives up some significant part of their life in order to more fully rely on God. For me this means giving up Myspace and Facebook (If it were feasible, I really ought to give up the internet entirely).

As many of my friends can attest, I spend entirely too much time online sifting through peoples pictures, reading comments and blogs.. essentially wasting my time; time I could be spending with God or at least doing things that are honoring to Him (like my homework).

I encourage those of you who are craving a little more God in your life to give something up to Him this Lenten season. As I said earlier, I've never actively participated in Lent before, so I can't promise you 'results'. I can, however, encourage you as I am encouraged from the many accounts we've been given of how much God honors those who honor and put their trust in Him.

So then, from tomorrow until April 8th (Easter Sunday), I say goodbye.

Be seeking, be finding and be blessed!

-Mark

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24

Mishona's Mom's Memorial Service

2007-02-15T13:55:00.000-06:00

Are any of you going??

I saw Lori's email about the people movers, but if one of you is driving, can I tag along?

It sure WAS a good time!

2007-02-13T23:22:00.000-06:00

I have two of the greatest friends a guy could ever ask for! **I'd say the greatest, but that'd be extremely difficult to prove.** Why, you ask? I'll tell you... they just successfully made tonight my best night here at Greenville ever! :)

Last week Jess 'n Hannah asked me to be their date to the dance. I thought it was a joke at first 'cause they were acting so weird. After something like five awkward minutes I realized they were serious and gladly said yes. I couldn't have possibly known what a great decision I had just made!

Events leading up to them picking me up:

1. Buy shirt and tie at ValueCity
2. Iron shirt for 30 minutes in a failed attempt to get the packaging wrinkles out of it
3. Get dressed an hour 'n a half early
4. Ask Fro to drive me to the gas station so I can pick up a couple of roses
5. Pull up in front on Kinney just as Hannah and Jess are coming to get me
6. Give them roses and practice my breathing :) **They were so beautiful!!**

Once in Kinney we went up to my room to wait for Tom, who had sneakily managed to get himself invited as a fourth 'date', and took pre-dance pictures... pictures of the girls with their roses, angry faces at Tom for being late, each of them and myself... I'm really glad Tom ended up coming. He really added so much to the evening.

We walk up to the DC; it's almost completely vacant! Being the amazing girls they are, Jess 'n Hannah suggested we get the party started. No joke! Within 5 minutes our numbers had doubled. Ten minutes later, tripled. Before we left at ten to nine to go watch Tom and friends play in a intramural basketball game, the dance floor was packed! Well, for Greenville. :)

I guess it's kind of extreme to give you an entire play-by-play of the evening, and even if I could bring to life for you tonight's festivities, I still wouldn't be doing it justice, it was that good!

Hannah.. Jess.. thank you so incredibly much! I seriously haven't had this much fun since coming here. Yay for college, eh Jess? ;)

I love you two sooooo much!!!!

I need YOUR help!

2007-02-13T16:55:00.000-06:00

To catch you up, I've been wanting a necklace for a long time now. My hemp broke earlier this year (maybe last summer, i really don't remember) and I've felt half the man since.

Seriously.

Well, not really, but still. :)

Here's a link to Kerusso.com, one of the leading Christian apparel retailers in the nation. Would you please please take a minute to tell me which one you like best?!!

Thanks everyone!

Apparently I do not have a photographic memory...

2007-02-12T14:38:00.000-06:00

Was the remark that Dr. Zohniser made to me today. He noticed that i hadn't been taking notes in class and therefore figured i must have a good memory or maybe even a photographic one. Well, after i emailed him asking about his late work policy (better to get an F than a Zero.. i agree) he makes a side comment, 'you must not have the photographic memory i assumed you had. Start taking notes.'

I just got a talkin to from the sweetest old man on this campus!!

Wise guy.... 'No photographic memory.. mhrewww, I'm funny.. mhrew mhrew mhrew.'

The worst part is, he's right. :(

Websense?! More like Stinksense!!!

2007-02-12T01:42:00.000-06:00

Any one else having a tough time with their internet lately? The speeds just fine, it's dumb Websense that's ruining my life!

I went online to play some poker tonight and i couldn't because Websense doesn't like the word 'gambling'.

You know what i don't like, Communism! That's what this is, a bloody communism! Everything from the near equal distribution of wealth on this campus to the monitoring of such silly things as poker.

You may be thinking that i just weakened my argument by calling poker silly, but in fact i did not. That it's silly, so why would i want to play it in the first place, is not the point. The point is, if it's silly (which it is) why bother blocking it!

It's kind of like deliberating whether or not to say something that's gone unsaid for a long time. What was your point in saying it? You forgot, it's been so long. What could it hurt in saying it? It probably couldn't help, but that's not a very good reason to withhold a thought. Say what's on your mind.

Let me play poker!

I'm tired and am probably making no sense.

I apologize. I just wasted three minutes of your life.

I'm confused

2007-02-10T13:42:00.000-06:00

So this whole topic of 'love' is really confusing me.

Socially, we're really loose with the word and so i naturally have a hesitancy to use it.

The bible says to love, so naturally i'm going to love any friend i talk about. At this point i'd only be parsing between meanings, but i keep going back to Rob Bell's Nooma video on love (Flame) and it seems like as long as i have raya and ahava than certainly i'm ok to use that word.

I guess it was the shake of Jess's head that really got me scared. I was already confused, but that really put me over the edge.

I need to know if i'm being foolish calling these feelings love. They certainly line up with what the Bible describes as being love and even more clearly with what Rob Bell calls it, but it's definitely a Christian taboo at the same time.

Help?

I miss her and she doesn't even know..

2007-02-10T02:56:00.000-06:00

Is it wrong to say you love someone if you haven't even seen them in nearly two years? How about if i've not even known them for two years? Surely love is an ever-evolving thing, so the way i love her now is nothing of the sort that movies and books and songs are written about, but still...

Is it wrong to miss her and not tell her? Surely, if she thought about it, she'd realize what I'm about. Surely she's thought about it. Has she realized?

Am I wrong to put so much stock and hope in the uncertain? I guess that's what hope is all about, but certainly not stock. I'm a fool, but is that so wrong? I said I'm in love, so it's a given that i'm a fool as well, isn' t? Or did I say i'm in love? I said i love someone, certainly being in love and loving aren't the same thing. Hmm...

Is it wrong that i'm not even sure who i'm writing this about? I think so. Dumb, dumb fool.
I'm a dumb, dumb fool.

Do I keep going???

2007-02-07T15:15:00.000-06:00

So as you, my two avid readers, probably already know, I've been asked to sing a set at Jo's Java for a Valentines Day thing. Well, i eagerly accepted buuuuuuuuuuuut.... i don't really have much material. AHHH!!

I sat down to write some today and got this.. please lemme know if i should keep going or bag it and try again. An FYI, it's got a light, poppy feel to it and yes, it's supposed to be cliche and not entirely serious.

We're 20 years young barely old enough
To know what love is let alone say I love you

But here we are thinkin I do
What you do to me, Oh baby it's cruel

It's not that smile, it's not your kiss
It's the look you give when no one's watchin

It don't take a scientist to see there's somethin
Somethin in your eye

It's me and you on a bicycle built -- built for two
just two love birds sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
I'm in love, i'm in love and i don't care who knows it

Yep, that's what i've got. I've got a couple three songs i've already written that i think fit the evening and i was considering doing a cover of You Say by Lisa Loeb and Nobody Knows by I don't know who (the chorus is "The nights are lonely/ the days are so sad/ and i just keep thinking about the love that we had/ and i missing you/ and nobody knows it but me.")

So that'd be six songs, if you two think the one i'm working on worth finishing..

That's enough, right?!!!

All right...

2007-02-05T17:20:00.000-06:00

It would appear that people DO respond to these!! Hip hip, hoooraaaay!!!

I re-downloaded Gunbound today (it's a game i used to play a lot in highschool and last year (i know high school is two words, but it shouldn't be) but got tired of) and i hadn't realized how much i missed it!

The end.

Eventful day, huh?? ;)

Yay, my first blog on blogspot!

2007-02-04T23:45:00.000-06:00

So i get lots of hits on myspace but no one responds..

Do people responsd on here, 'cause if not this is just another waste of my oh so precious time.

Had a Super Bowl party tonight on my floor.. Most of the guys came, it was a blast, Peyton Manning got his ring.

Leave a comment or suffer my wrath.

-Mark